| Testing, testing... |
[ | |
3.11.12 - 11.49pm
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| [ |
mood |
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 disappointed |
] |
Sometimes I feel like I'm being tested...how long can I withstand everything? Every person has a breaking point...why are you trying to push me to my limit? Do you want to push me away? Why can't you cherish what you have now? If you keep testing how much you can push me before you decide you can shed all your uncertainty...I might not be able to handle it. Can you not see it now how much I love you, how much I want to be with you? I have my uncertainties too, I lack a sense of security more than you do, and you should know this. But what have you done to take away my uncertainties? I'm trying so hard to be with you, yet I let you be with me so easily. Do you even know what it is I want in a relationship? I may not flat out tell you, "this is what I want in a relationship" but I have mentioned them in some way in all our conversations. I mentioned most of what I want when we first met and we were getting to know each other. But do you know now what I want? I know what you want. I spend so much time and effort in trying to make it work for you that I don't even care to say what it is that I want. And so, is it my fault?
To shed your uncertainties does not mean you have to push the other person to see how much they can put up with you. All of that will reveal itself with time. When a person decides to be with someone they have also decided that they will take on whatever comes with it. That's what a real relationship is like. We're not in high school anymore. We're both not getting any younger. You don't like it when people try your patience, don't try mine. I'm a very patient person, and I can put up with a lot, but once you break me you'll never get me back. We both have trust issues, and that is something we need to work out within ourselves and with each other. Don't keep testing me. After our fights/arguments and you can clearly see that I'm upset, you always ask me, "Do you want to give up now?" and my answer is always no. If I wanted to give up I would have done it a long time ago. If I wanted to give up I wouldn't go back to you after our fights, or talk to you. Can't you see that? Or do you not understand me at all?
I feel defeated right now.
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| Love |
[ | |
2.15.12 - 10.09pm
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I finally got to spend Valentines Day with someone I love. I haven't done that in years. I mean previous years I spent it with my girl friends, and of course I love them, but you know what I mean. And all I have to say is that it was rather anti-climatic. I guess maybe I pictured it differently. But what really matters is that we got to spend time together, however much time we could get. And even though we're not together...I still love him, but I don't think he really understands that. Yes, I can say it, and maybe sometimes he feels it...but I don't think he'll ever understand just how much I love him. And it makes me sad. I love and care about someone that much...and it's unnoticed. I'm not even angry, I'm just sad. Sometimes I feel so silly, like I'm holding on to something that's not mine. I want the kind of love that will last forever. I want to be with someone that will love me unconditionally, accept me for who I am, and won't judge me. I hate dating. If it's working, I want to keep it. If I love you, then you are the only one. It takes a lot for me to lose those feelings...which is why it's so hard for me to let go. When I love someone, I love so hard...and I end up hurting myself. "Sometimes you forgive people simply because you still want them in your life." And that's how I feel. I would rather deal with the hurt and pain than to have you out of my life. Many people looking at this would tell me I'm stupid and that I'm making a mistake...but I don't feel that way. The kind of love we had isn't something I want to give up. It was the kind of love where I could sit there and do absolutely nothing and be so happy. It's the simply happiness that I'm chasing after, and I found it with him. Being happy is so important to me. And yes, I've also been upset a lot because of him...but some things are worth risking. No matter how hurt or upset I got, I couldn't hate him. And I didn't want to let go. I can feel that he genuinely loves and cares about me...but sometimes I question that. I trust people too easily, and that's my fault. I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt because I want to believe that people aren't as bad as they really are. Maybe this is just my naive way of thinking...but I know better now. When you're in love you're willing to risk everything for that person, you want to spend every waking moment with them. But when things go bad..is it really that easy for you to walk out? And if it is, was it really love at all? My love runs deep. If I chose to love you, then I will love you wholeheartedly. And when you break my heart...it takes a long time to mend it. My first broken heart took me years, and I told myself..never again. I told myself the second one will be the one, I will not make any mistakes...hmm, my heart gets broken again...over and over again. I'm 24, I've only been in 2 relationships. I would have liked to only have been in 1. I wanted the first one to be the one. I don't like dating because it wastes time. I don't want to waste your time, I don't want to waste my time. And this time, I can't seem to let go..I just love him so much. Am I being stupid? Who would sit there and get hurt over and over again by the same person and still want to be with him? Or maybe he really touched my heart in a special way. "The best kind of love is the kind that awakes our soul and makes us reach for more, plants a fire in our hears and brings peace to our minds." - I found that with him...but I don't have a peace of mind anymore.
I found this quote on someone's blog, and that's what I want...
“love is α temporαry mαdness. it erupts like αn eαrthquαke αnd then subsides. αnd when it subsides, you hαve to mαke α decision. you hαve to work out whether your roots hαve become so entwined together thαt it is inconceivαble thαt you should ever pαrt. becαuse this is whαt love is. love is not breαthlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgαtion of promises of eternαl pαssion. thαt is just being "in love," which αny of us cαn convince ourselves we αre. love itself is whαt is left over when being "in love" hαs burned αwαy, αnd this is both αn αrt αnd α fortunαte αccident. your mother αnd i hαd it, we hαd roots thαt grew towαrds eαch other underground, αnd when αll the pretty blossoms hαd fαllen from our brαnches, we found thαt we were one tree αnd not two.”
― Captain Corelli's Mandolin
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| What I've Been Feeling |
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11.7.08 - 9.06pm
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| [ |
mood |
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 restless |
] |
I have abandoned you for a while...I don't seem to have time to write in my journal anymore *sigh*. I guess the only thing I do write in is my xanga, but even there I don't write much. I feel that no one reads these things anymore. So I'm going to be open with some things here...because no one reads this and I just don't care anymore. So here it goes. First, I'm just wondering why me and Amanda aren't friends anymore. It's been what? 2-3 years now? I wasn't the one who stopped talking to her. She was the one who stopped talking to me. Don't know why, don't want to care anymore. This is the reason I don't believe in best friends anymore. I do miss the memories and all the fun we used to have, but the key word here is USED TO. I was going to write a message to her on facebook the other day, but when I went to click it, the page kind of just froze...guess it wasn't meant to be. Well, I wish her all the happiness she can find.
Second, yea, it's been over a year, but I still have no closure from my break up. What gives? I really don't know. I don't want to deal with thinking about him anymore. All I have are sad feelings toward our relationship, and he said that he wanted to break it off when things were still good so that what we have were the good memories...but sadly, when I think about our relationship it's not the happy memories that comes to mind. I honestly can't really remember much of our relationship anymore but all the pain I experienced from it in the end. He was my first boy friend, and it was painful. The truth is, when we broke up I didn't have the courage to say no. I didn't know what hit me and I couldn't say anything else by "why?" I couldn't let go because I didn't know for sure if the love was gone...because my love was still there. I spent so much time wondering what went wrong, what did I do wrong? I came up with the conclusion that I must have been a bad girlfriend to you, or you wouldn't have done what you did. People's unconscious actions reflects unconscious thoughts. For the longest time I waited, hoped, that one day you will realize it and come back...but you didn't. And for the longest time, I told myself if you wanted to get back together, I would. I was so stupid. This is what broken hearts do to girls...it makes us stupid.
Third, friends that I don't want to care about anymore. One if them is Dicknose. No, that's not her real name, I just don't feel like putting her real name here. But yea, I realized she wasn't a real friend to me when me and my ex broke up. After that day, I realize how bad of a friend she was; tried to talk shit behind my back to my own friend (how smart of her), is fake, 2 faced, uses people, manipulative. Hmm, there's more, but I can't really think if it right now. Next one, Mosquito. Wow, I have a lot to say about her. She definitely uses people...to the max. Has no conscience, kind of heartless, doesn't feel bad about anything, thinks she's always right and everyone else is always wrong, doesn't know how to apologize or admit she's wrong, super fake, is a leach and freeloader, unreasonable, superficial, likes to invite herself places, causes unnecessary drama, gossips too much, overreacts over the littlest and stupidest things, possessive of her friends and even though you may be friends with her friends it's always "my friends" to her, manipulative, and did I mention uses people...oh right, that's the first thing I said. But yea, I could go on for days about her. She's currently freeloading off me and my friends, and I don't really like it, but whatever. We're not friends, and we haven't been since the summer because of the shit she started. But I'll play nice for the sake of the rest of the people I'm living with right now. After I graduate and leave, I don't want to see her anymore. She caused too much drama and unhappiness in my life. And she likes to cause shit in my sister's life and my friend's life. Sooo, all the more reason why I don't like her. Next, Monster. Damn, this girl knows how to lie. She lies right out of her ass. She'll lie to your face about the more serious shit, and she doesn't care. She has no conscience either. Man, her and Mosquito should be bffls. She's a robber; stole money and things from me and my friends, but because we were friends we never questioned it was her. Boy were we stupid. I feel so used. We were all such good friends that we would give her money, no questions asked, when she needed it. My friends let her borrow their cars so she could go home to "work" (don't know if that's what she really did). Now my friends' cars are f-ed up, and it's her fault, but she's not going to do anything about it. She also likes to cause drama in people's lives. She tried to turn us against one of our friends, then she tried to do that with another one of our friends. Then she likes to start random shit with people, like texting my friend randomly and say "so I hear you're talking shit about me" or telling people how one of my friends is so horrible because the first thing she asked when she saw her was, "where's my money?", which didn't happen. There are a few more people, but I'll stop here.
What else, what else...oh, I'm graduating college after this semester, and I might go to Cali. in January. If I find a job there, I'm not coming back here. In all honesty, I really need a new beginning. I need to meet new people and make new friends. I need to get away from home because of all the bad memories. When me and my ex broke up, I was a complete mess for the longest time because everywhere I went I was reminded of him. He came up to visit me at school so much, and we hung out in Boston a lot, because we're both from south of Boston. There wasn't a place I went to that I didn't think of him, and it took me the longest time to get over things. And for the first few months, I really wanted to leave here, leave this state. I needed to be somewhere where there were no essence of him. I keep telling myself and everyone else I'm over him...but am I really? Even I don't really know anymore. Last semester, in May, when I saw pictures of him and his current girlfriend, I started crying. I don't really know why. Maybe it was because they looked so happy together, or maybe because we never really took pictures together the way they did, or maybe because he never took picture of me like he did with her, or maybe it was because I felt like I was the only still hurting and he simply just moved on. I don't really know. When he got a new girlfriend, he didn't tell me. I found out through facebook. And even after he had a girlfriend and we met up to talk, he still didn't tell me. But I guess he's not obligated to, but you, you'd think someone you dated for over 2 years would have the decency to tell you. But whatever. We don't talk anymore, so I'm just going to say we're not friends anymore. It's not like his girlfriend would be happy with it anyways. Who would like their boyfriend being friends with his ex anyways?
Well, school is killing me, but I need to do well. I'm pushing myself, but I feel like I'm still falling behind. I've lost the motivation.
I feel very lonely at this point in my life, and as sad as it sounds, I do want a boyfriend. It's just a missing feeling in my life. If I never knew what it was like to have a boyfriend, maybe I wouldn't care so much right now. When I see my friends with their boyfriends I can't help but be a little envious. But at the same time, I don't know if I could every be with another guy again. The guys who have told me they liked me I just don't like back that way. They are just friends. I feel like I'll never find someone that I like that will like me back again. When I'm upset, scared, lonely, or sad, I just wish I had that person there to talk to. My ex was the one I used to call all the time, but when we broke up, there was no more of that. I didn't know who to call anymore. I had no one else to call. Do you know how lonely that feels? To be upset and sitting alone in your room, trying to figure out who you can talk to to make you feel better, and coming to realize that you have no one...it's one of the saddest and worst feelings in the world. It made me cry when that happened. I really do miss having someone love me, having someone to love, and having someone be by my side. But I've learned to deal with it.
I'm going to try to do my best these last 1.5 months of college. I want to end on good terms, and leave this school with good grades. I'm not ready to go out in the real world, but it has to happen at some point. I just need a little push.
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| memories |
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10.6.07 - 1.33am
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| [ |
mood |
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 sad |
] |
Memories are just that...memories. You can't really do much with them, yet they bring about so many emotions. You can only hold onto memories for so long, and eventually, one day, they will just fade away. New memories are always being made, and old ones being replaced. Our brain only has so much space to hold all our memories, and when it runs out of room, somethings have to be dumped. I'll always remember our memories, all the time we spent together. They were some of the happiest time I've ever had; some of the best memories I've had. I can't seem to let go...but I know I must move on. Things like this happen to everyone, and I guess that's what keeps me sane. That and my friends. I love my girls. They really are my pillar of support. They're always here for me, and I know I can depend on them. It's funny b/c when this all happened, they weren't the first people I went to b/c we all just came back from a very long weekend and a long-ass drive, so I didn't want to wake them. But they told me that I should have, cuz they would have woken up for me. Steph and Mimi said they would have cuz they did it for Mimi over the summer. She had the girls on rotation with her on the phone for the entire day, each one talking with her for a few hours and then switch off. They said they would do the same for me if that's what it takes to help me take my mind off things, and I'm really touched by that. I can honestly say that within my group of friends, there are only a select few that I'm close with, but with each passing day, I grow closer with more and more of them. I know that I'm not going to be close friends with all of them, but that's ok b/c I'm happy with the ones I have now. They really are my pillar of support. They've helped me through some tough times, and they're still here for me now. I love my friends so much, and they give me the support and confidence that gets me through the day. Sometimes the things they tell me aren't exactly what I want to hear, but I know they say it only because they care.
My heart has love for all my friends and family, but something seems to be missing now. A little piece of my heart is gone, and I don't think it will ever come back. But I understand that things will never be the same again; I can't rewind time and fix whatever it is that went wrong. As much as I wish I could...I can't. If only I knew sooner...if only...I feel like it's my fault, that I'm the one to blame, but I know that it's not completely my fault. I just feel so helpless. I don't know what to do.
And now, all I have are memories...
wo xiang ni hun duo...wo bu xiang 失去 ni. wo bu dong wei shen me...
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| untitled |
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11.8.06 - 10.19pm
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| [ |
mood |
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 crappy |
] |
slowly,
i feel like i'm losing control
of everything.
spinning
around in my head.
running
away from everthing.
never to look back.
how does it feel?
do you know how i feel?
does it even matter anymore?
lost.
lost without words,
lost without feelings
just...lost.
hurt.
i'm hurt.
but you won't know.
pain.
is what i feel.
will you feel it?
will you know?
gone.
it's all gone.
do you even see it?
do you even know?
feel.
what is left?
nothing.
gone.
it's gone forever.
how do you feel?
do you even know?
no...you probably don't...
lost...
hurt...
pain...
feel...
gone.
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| questions |
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9.16.06 - 1.16am
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| [ |
mood |
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 melancholy |
] |
"Masquerade, paper faces on parade, masquerade, hide your face so the world will never find you...Masquerade, seething shadows breathing lies, masquerade, you can fool any friend who ever knew you."
why does everything have to be so complicated? why does life have to be so complicated? life has no rhyme or reason. people always say that things happen for a reason, but does it really? i'm a strong believer that it's true, but it's so painful to see your friends so unhappy. it's like, you know something, but you can't say anything. it's like everything is one big deception. and everyone is always hiding something. we're all masqueraders in this world. like shakespeare said, "all the world's a stage, and all the men and women mearly players." we play out our feelings according to everything else. we hide our true feelings so others won't be hurt. we hide our feelings because we don't want anyone to know. we feel like we're all alone in this world, we feel like our problems are so tragic. the pain. the hurt. the sorrow. the lost. the tears that we cry. the hope that we lost. the feelings that won't go away, or the feelings that will never come back. is it all real? is this life real? why are there people in this world that are so lucky, and why are there people in this world that arn't? does anyone understand? does anyone know? and if they do, how will they know? how is it possible for others to understand? the feeling of lost, the feeling of loneliness? everything is different. how can we assum that everyone felt the same thing? how do we know? what do we know? why do we care? everything's a mess, and who's going to fix it? me? you? how? when? if we can't even deal with problems such as our own feelings, how will we ever be able to deal with bigger things in life?
why do we lie? why do we lie to the ones that we love? maybe it's because we don't want to hurt them, but no matter what, the damage is already caused. the pain is already there. how do people live like this, with all this pain and anger and sorrow? with all these feelings? people were never meant to be simple, or else we wouldn't have been given this brain, nor this heart. but i guess the complexity of it all keeps things interesting. do you know what it feel like to be the other person? if you ever question yourself, think of what it would be like to be the other person. but that will probably never happen because all we care about at that moment is ourselves. and maybe, we simply just can't understand. but nevertheless, we feel the pain. we feel the sorrow. we feel their feelings.
in this mind, so much is happening. it's like a maze, with all these winds, turns, and hidden doorways every where, when all you want is to get out. in this maze we will live forever until we die, and that's the day we will figure things out. behind every turn, there's alwasy something different, there's always a lie. and once you make your choice, sometimes there's no going back. or that it's hard to find your way back. in this mind there is always deception, lies, secrets. how do we survive this? how can we conquer this?
in this heart, there's so much passion, so many feelings. what we feel, no one else will ever be able to feel, nor will they be able to even come close, because what we feel is unique to us. our feelings are things that only we can feel. when our heart breaks, how can anyone else understand? when we're in love, how can anyone else feel it? when we're lost, how do we know what we're feeling? what we feel will never be the same as someone else's. it might be similar, but it will never be the same. what do we do with this heart?
what do we do with this life? i'm so tired. please just go away...
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4.4.06 - 12.39am
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credit to: iiicons!!
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3.27.06 - 12.12am
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| [ |
mood |
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 blah |
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you know, lately i've been kinda down, but i don't know why. it's been like maybe 2 days. i'm usually not like this. if i'm down about something, i'm usually fine the next day. but today, i just feel like poop. i have like no expression, but maybe that's because of my wisdom teeth. it made the flesh in my cheeks all the way in the back near my bottome teeth split and it hurts like a bitch. even when i swallow. i donno. but seriously, i don't know what's wrong.
i took the longest ass shower ever today. well, maybe not the longest. but i was finished but i just stood in the shower, doing nothing. i was just standing there with the water falling on me. at some point it got really hot b/c someone flushed the tolit, and my skin got all red, but i didn't care. i don't know what i was doing. i tried to think, but i couldn't. i couldn't concentrate on anything. all i felt was...blah. it was like i had no feeling. i was trying to figure out why i was feeling like that, but i didn't know why.
and right now, i'm still like in a blah mood. why?????? i don't want to be like this.
currently, i'm listening to techno music, and it's making me feel kinda better. weird huh.
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3.26.06 - 3.10am
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| [ |
mood |
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crappy |
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do you know how devistating and upsetting it is to see one of your friends try to kill themselves? do you know how upsetting and sad it is to see your sister, whom you love, cry? and do u know how upsetting it is when one of ur friends thinks it's better if we weren't friends anymore? maybe you do, maybe you don't, but i do and it's really hurtful. lets just say that tonight was not what i expected it to be. too much happened and i don't want to explain anything, i don't want to repeat anything. i just don't want to talk about it.
it's moments like this when you realize if you love someone or not, and if you care about someone or not. i'll admit it, i do love my sister, and i do care about my friends.
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3.4.06 - 1.50am
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| [ |
mood |
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sad |
] |
you know, i really didn't expect this to happen. i didn't see this coming. why did it happen? how? and why so soon?
i just came back from school around 5 sth - 6, and i get a call from my mom on my sister's phone (i left mine in her car). she tells me she's leaving for cali, and i'm like, what??? she wasn't clear as to why, but i knew it was bad. it was all too sudden. i didn't believe it. i told my sister and she didn't believe it either. but then later at aroung maybe 7-8ish, i get a call from my cousin in cali, and she asked when my mom was coming, and that's when i believed. i asked her why, and the reason was mind-blowing. i didn't know how to react, i didn't know what to say. it was all just so shocking. as serena said, it was like a truck ran me over - 3 trucks. for a while we were in denial and i couldn't accept it. when i called my cousin back the secon time, i started crying. i didn't believe it was going to happen. i didn't want it to happen. i didn't understand why.
...i still don't understand why...
"tears stream down your face when you lose something you cannot replace"
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3.3.06 - 12.02am
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| [ |
mood |
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blah |
] |
( i-pod )
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2.3.06 - 12.35am
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| [ |
mood |
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 frustrated |
] |
!@#$%^&*
......>.<
.......argh!!!!!!!!!!
wtf is wrong with me?!
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1.10.06 - 12.40am
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| Your Life Path Number is 8 | 
Your purpose in life is to help others succeed
You are both a natural leader and a natural success. You are also a great judge of character.
You have a head for business and finance. You know how to make money.
A great visionary, you can see gold where other people see nothing.
In love, you are very generous - with gifts, time, and guidance.
You love to inspire people, but it can be frustrating when they don't understand your vision.
Great success comes easily for you. But so does great failure, as you are very reckless.
You are confident, and sometimes this confidence borders on arrogance. |
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1.3.06 - 2.30pm
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| [ |
mood |
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 cold |
] |
well, it's the new year. and i'm in cali right now!!! =D
neways, had a really nice new years eve my hunnie, serena, connie, gary, and they guys. lol, we yelled happy new year out connie's car windows cuz we were driving eric home. haha, that was fun. and i got my first new years kiss from my hunnie =). ooo, and we went bowling too. that was mucho fun. hunnie is a lier, saying he can't bowl...uh huh, sure. lol. then we went to gabe's house for some fun. didn't really do much cuz i was tired and i had to go to the airport early in the morning, so everyone else had some fun and i slept with hunnie. i feel bad that he didn't get to have fun with everyone else cuz he was with me and all i did was sleep. sorry hunnie. but i'm kinda bummed that i missed linh's party. but oh well, nothing i can do about that now.
so a recap on the year:
~got accepted to college =D
~went to my first formal dance with a guy =)
~my frist bf =)
~end of high school
~Habitat for Humanities in FL (some fun times =D)
~i love my friends
~one of the best summers ever
~going away to college
~meeting some awesome ppl in college
~having an awesome roommate =)
~having some issues with my roommate, lol, but it was resolved
~first college midterm =\...then another one >:[
~college finals...*dies*
~not getting any sleep cuz of finals
~spending some quality time with my hunnie and friends at college
~coming home and getting to see my bff again after not seeing her for like 4 months
~celebrating serena's bday
so in all, i have to say, 05 was awesome. of course there were some goods and bads, cuz that's just how life is. kinda sad that i've lost touch with some friends. but it happens. kidna wish it didn't. cuz i never thought that that would happen. with some ppl, i feel kinda disconnected with. i guess ppl are right, the friends u make in college are the friends that u'll have for life. but there are some friends that i will keep from high school. it's like the friends that u really want to keep u will stay in touch with and the other ones kinda just slip away. one friend that i regret not talking to more is anh. like we still keep in touch, but it would be periods of time before i talk to her again. but she's def a friend i want to keep.
so much has changed though. ppl change. college really does change u. someone at umass told me that freshmen year in college is a period of transition, it's a time where we try to find ourselves. relationships form and relatioships fall apart, but don't be too caught up in it because ur still trying to find youself. don't regret that u ever had that realtionship b/c it's something u can learn from. freshmen year is meant to be fun...and i guess it is. but there's just so much work. it's gets tiring. i fing myself being tired all the time. i feel like i'm...old. it's kinda sad. but i just feel worn out. i guess i just need a vacation, and being in cali is kinda like my vacation. but it's kinda not cuz i still have the spring semister to look forward to and work when i get back home. it's like i'm constantly worried about something and i'm just so tense. i can't relax. i guess i just need the summer to come. but then there's work...man, it's neverending.....*sigh*
u know, this winter break wasn't what i thought it would be. i didn't get to see the ppl i wanted to and i didn't get to spend time with my friends. well, i got to spend time with some, but that's just not enough. and when i come back from cali, everyone's gonna be going back to school =(. *sigh* i'll be the only one here left along with all the other umass ppl. but then i'm gonna be spending the rest of break working. >.< i hate my new manager. but yea, i wish i got to spend more time with some ppl. i didn't get to go ice skating =( but i still have all of january to do that, right...yea...i donno.
but i shouldn't be sad, cuz it's the new year. i should be happy. =) i am. just a lil sad. but i'm happy. u know, college lets u know who ur real friends are.
i miss everyone back home. i miss my hunnie.
it's the start of a new year.
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[ | |
12.6.05 - 11.45pm
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mood |
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 tired |
] |
dont think of yourself as a jerk i would much more prefere a degrating-ass-whip-son-of-a-bitch-duchbag-man-whore-who-needs-a-reality-chck-jerk.
boys are cheats and liers, there suck a big decrase, they will tell you anything to get to second BASE-ball baseball, he thinks hes gonna score, and if you let him you'll be a WHORE-itsucrules studies flowers a geologest studies rocks, the only thing he wants from you is a place to put his COCK-roaches, beatles, butterflys & bugs nothigs makes him happier than a giant pair of JUG-glers, acrobats, a dancing bear named chuck, the onle thing he really wants is-- forget it no suck luck.
hehe, i just thought those were pretty funny. not to say anyone that i know is like that. but there are guys out there that are like that. and some of them live on my floor =D
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[ | |
12.4.05 - 3.32am
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mood |
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tired |
] |
Time started: 3:32
Full Name: Jenessa Mui
Single or Taken: taken
Sex: female
Birthday: May 14
Siblings: 1 sister, 1 brother
Eye coloor: light brown
Shoe size: 7-7.5
Height: 5'3.5
Innie or Outie: innie
What are you wearing right now: sweat pants and fleece
Where do you live: right now, amherst
Righty or lefty: righty
Can you make a dollar in change right now: yea
Relationships
--------------------------------------------------
Who is your closest friend?: amanda
Do you have a BF or GF?: yep
Did you send this to your crush? no
Favorites...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Favorite kind of pants: jeans
Number: 6,7 or 13, 14, 15
Boys Name: uh...
Girls Name: uh...
Animal: hmm, don't really have one...
Drink: for soda, it's root beer, for juice, apple juice
Sport To Play: well, i'm not much of a sports person, but if i were to play a sport, it'd porbably be something like tennis or ice skating
Month: hmm, don't really have one
Movie: too many
Juice: apple
Breakfast: don't really eat breakfest
Favorite cartoon character: hmm...
Have you ever
--------------------------------------------------------
Given anyone a bath: my brother
Smoked: ...no comment
Bungee Jumped: nope
Made yourself throw-up: gross, no
Gone skinny dipping: nope
Eaten a dog: ewwww
Put your tongue on a frozen pole: haha, no
loved someone so much it made you cry?: well, yea
Broken a bone: kinda? nope
Played truth or dare: yep
Been in a physical fight: yep
Been in a police car: no
Been on a plane: yea
Come close to dying: uh, no...
Been in a sauna: yea
Been in a hot tub: yea
Swam in the ocean: uh, no, i'd die
Fallen asleep in school: haha, all the time
Ran away?: not really
Broken someone's heart: hope not
Cried when someone died: umm, don't think so
Cried in school: yea
Fell off your chair: haha, yea
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: not really
Saved AIM conversations: yep
Saved e-mails: nope
Fallen for one of your best friends?: no
Made out with JUST a friend?: no
Used someone?: not that i know of
Been cheated on? no
What is...
----------------------------------------------------------------
Your good luck charm: uh, don't think i have one
Best song you ever heard: hmm, that's a lot
What's your room like: right now, it's boring and kinda messy
What is beside you: a whole bunch of shit
Last thing you ate: chocolate
What kind of shampoo do you use?: pantiene
EVER HAD
----------------------------------------
Chicken pox: yea
Sore Throat: yea
Stitches: nope
Broken nose: nope
DO YOU
----------------------------------------
Believe in love at first sight: yea
Like picnics: yes
Like school: haha, hell no
What schools have you gone to: Tower Hill, devine, rcms, rhs, umass amherst
Who was the last person that called you?: steph
Who was the last person you slow danced with: my BF =)
Who makes you laugh the most?: a lot of ppl
Who makes you smile?: a lot of ppl
LAST PERSON
----------------------------------------
You yelled at: uh...
Who broke your heart: no one
Who told you they loved you: my BF and my friends
Who's your loudest friend?: hmm...
---------------------------------------
Do you like filling these out: kinda
Do you wear contacts or glasses: glasses
Do you like yourself: i donno...
Do you get along with your family: kinda, i guess
Are You
---------------------------------------
Obsessive? haha, sometimes
Compulsive? uh...
Anorexic? hell no
Suicidal? no
Final questions
-----------------------------------------
How many people are you sending this to: not sending to anyone
What are you listening to right now?: nothing
What did you do yesterday?: as in saturday, i came back to my room at 1pm, took a shower, tried to do some work, watched a movie
Hated someone in your family: yea
What car do you wish to have: anything that is nice and can get me to where i need to go
Where do you want to get married? i donno
Good driver?: me? uh, i donno
Good Singer: haha, no
Have a lava lamp: nope
How many remote controls are in your house: yea, but i don't know how many
Are you double jointed: i guess
What do you dream about?: a lot of things
Last time you showered? this morning...saturday morning
Scary or happy movies: def happy movies, i hate scary movies
Chocolate or white? chocolate
Root or Dr.Pepper: root
Skiing or Boarding: uh...
Summer or winter: neither, i like spring
Silver or Gold: white gold
Diamond or pearl: diamond
Sunset or Sunrise: both
Sprite or 7up: sprite
Orange juice or apple juice: apple juice
Cats or dogs: dogs
Coffee or tea: depends
Phone or in person: depends
Indoor or outdoor: both
End Time: 3:49
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| ~:.fRiEnDs.:~ |
[ | |
11.30.05 - 11.19pm
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| [ |
mood |
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 pensive |
] |
please promise me
that we'll be friends forever.
it isn't hard to see
that i want to be ur friend forever.
we've had so many memories
of late nights and long talks.
i just want us to never forget these memories,
that we'll always be here for each other.
because i feel like we are falling apart
and nothing can save us.
don't u remember these fond memories?
don't u remember how things use to be?
please don't forget.
our friendship means more to me than u know.
yes, there will be some hard times,
but the important thing
is that we overcome them.
please don't forget that,
that we can overcome anything
as long as we believe we can.
no more harsh words,
no more hard feelings.
all i want is for us to all be friends.
we each have a past,
but we live in the present,
forever striving for the future.
just never forget that u have friends.
we all just need
to put behind us
the past.
the forever haunting past.
but lets not forget
that it's just the past.
what we have to look forward to
is the future.
and the future is something great.
but it's only great if u believe so.
so please don't forget ur friends.
i believe that we can make it, so
please promise me
that we'll be friends forever.
it isn't hard to see
that i want to be ur friend forever.
(¨`·.·´¨)
`·.¸ Friends
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| *:.LiFe.:* |
[ | |
11.26.05 - 6.06pm
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| [ |
mood |
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blah |
] |
i'm so confused and lost right now and i don't know what to do. it seems like amanda is the only one who understands and i always here for me. i'm just not happy with school and things anymore. i had a nice long phone conversation with amanda today. made me cry and i realized a lot of things, which made me cry some more. i donno how i'm gonna make it anymore. i donno if i want to make it anymore. i donno what i want to do. and it's funny, we were talking about how all the ppl that other ppl thought were gonna make it in college and are gonna like it actually want to drop out. but i donno, i'm just not really happy anymore. i donno if i'll ever be fully happy anymore. oh well.
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jmuimui514's journal